Sometimes we act without thinking about the consequences. We do something because we simply wish it, want it and feel that if we don´t try it we will never know what will happen.
Sometimes we are more conservative and we don't try new experience because mainly, we are afraid about the possible results.
Undoubtedly, I belong to the first one.
I have gone through a lot of changes from Summer'04.
I have always been very close to my mother (and I am), but suddenly I decided I wanted to go of Erasmus, where? To some place where I could learn English. What happened? The most of my classmates wished to go to those places as well. I did the entrance exam to go to places where the official language was English and the exam where the official language was German.
I did for myself the English exam and I passed it! but my classmates were better and they got best grades. However, I was the best in the German exam!! How? Very easy, I was so lucky that the girl who was sat next to me in the exam was studying German and I have good eyesight... that I got a 9,8/10.
Of course, University suggested me to go to Germany or Austria. I reject it 'cause I did not have idea of German.
After almost two months, University called me to propose me again the challenge of going to, not Germany because it cannot consider as "Germany", Cottbus!!!... For me Cottbus does not belong to any Country, city or whatever... Cottbus was, is and will be Cottbus (other day I will explain my feelings when I arrived Cottbus).
I landed in Germany without speaking English (of course, nothing of German). It was my fourth great challenge of my life although it meant the first important decision I took for myself (the previous three ones were something like law of life).
Loving Cootbus and my life there after 18 months, after a call from a Company from Madrid, I decided (second important decision taken by myself) I packed all my stuffs and I moved to Madrid... and once I got Madrid, I am suffering continous changes until the moment.
The current changes are not so drastic as the previous and although they are connected, their impact is very important in my life.
4 years suffering changes, 4 years taking important decisions by myself, 4 years trying to get my aims and dreams, 4 years investigating what can be the best for me, 4 years and I have not reach the theorical stability that "maybe" I would like. And I say "maybe" because seemingly it's like if I run from it.
My friends get permanent jobs, buy a house, get engagement, get married, get pregnant, have children!!... and meanwhile, I have nothing to do with it.
What do I want? I'm not sure at the moment... but the important thing is that I'm happy with the things I have and until I do not try some of the ones that I don´t have I cannot miss them because I do not know the feeling of having them... but honestly, I hope to get some of them soon!
And why I have written this "sermon"? Because a minutes ago I talked to one of my best friends and she told me she is waiting for a baby. She's not my first friend who's going to be mom but because of her circunstances and becaue she is who/how she is have made me thinking about the possible changes we can experience because at one second we said "not/yes and not yes/not".
Every decision, every action, every gesture we do will have an impact on the rest of our life and the most important: in the life of the people close to us and for that reason, we should be careful.
With my decision about moving to Germany, it affected to my family, people who I knew in Germany, my experiences in my different trips/works/the morning someone smiled me in the underground/the evening I smiled someone in the street/the alms someone can give to a beggar... in short, our day by day makes the person we are and impacts and build the personality of the people around us.
"Don't make plans, make options"
07/05/2010 - After finishing my Master class, I decided buying my super favourite food: McDonald's menu!... I was soooo tired.
14/05/2010 - You cannot imagine how good I feel after getting home. My room, my bed, the smell of my house, my things... soooo good.
What Have I Been Doing All This Time?
I have been here as always but without much time because of the work mainly. I have had so much work during the last weeks that you cannot imagine... or maybe you can.
Lately I felt a great pressure about me from other people and above all, the own pressure from me.
I would like to be very perfectionist on my work, to have everything under my control and at the moment I cannot have it... something in my inside occurs that makes me to get nervious, very nervious.
I am right now at that point: I must learn everything very quick but it does not depend on me: the people who should help me and explain to me do not have time... or they do not want, so I'm collecting different information from different sources, trying to link everything and at the end I get it... but maybe I have spent 3 days for it when it could take me 1 or 1,5 days if the right people would have provided to me the information they should do. I become exasperated when I realize people is not so helpful as they say they are... and I notice that I have been thanking to people who does not deserve it.
This facts plus the extra-pressure have blocked me during the last weeks.
Now I know the situation, I know a litle bit more about what to do and I hope to be able to manage better this situation next week.
Cross your fingers and wish me good luck!
Last 2 weeks I have been studying the "Warehouse managememt module" and it's been so difficult to understand. We had the final exam too and I passed it, but not with the desired mark.
At the beggining of June my groups and me have to brought the first important exercise and we had done nothing. We met last weekend to speak and organize the work but we finished saying: "everyone has to try to do something and we will see", that's to say: "Everyone of us has to do what he/she thinks and after that we will collect the result", but... What happens if someone doesn't know how to start? .... the problem is from him/her.
This is the union between people of my Master.
- SOCIAL LIFE:
Actually, I have not had much time for enjoying although I have done it!!
- 30th April: Aristocratic wedding. Oh yeah! I went to the wedding between José Márquez y González de Gregorio and Edina Zichy Sánchez-Arjona. It was sooo funny!! And the best thing: I appeared on TV.
- 1st May: Wedding of my workmate Marta. The bride was really beautiful. Although I did not know anyone from there, I had fun. I was the most of the time with her cousin who does not know anyone too and she was really lovely.
- 8th May: I met María Patiño in Lateral (C/Velázquez, 52). Of course, a pic was taken with her!!!
- 9th May: I decided going to gym in the morning and I spent there 2,5 hours: 40min of "Elíptica machine" and 1 hour of GAP while one of the trainers prepared a planning for me. Can you imagine what happened? I continue with stiffness after 6 days!!! It goes without saying that last week I did not go to gym!!!
Today I went to my neighbour's first Holy Communion and it made me to remind me about my first Holy Communion.
I made my first Holy Communion in May 14th, 1989. I was 7 years and I was soooo excited. From that moment on I could receive the host every time I would like and it would make me be closer to Christ. I went every Saturday evening with my mom to mass and I tried to reveive Communion every time.
Furthermore, my mom presented me a veeeery beautiful "pink Princess dress". When I was really young, 4-5 years, I remember my dream was to be a princess as Sisí. I cannot remember how many times I watched the Sisí films... even today, when they are showed on TV, I watch them!
I remembered my sis was soooo young and so cute. At that moment I was not concious of that, but today I was and I would like to have lived that moment again.
All of these memories come to my mind today and I felt nostalgia.
Once someone has made the first Holy Communion, it is assumed you will to go mass every weekend at least. I did during much time, but along the years, I have entered in a crisis and I stopped going to mass. Why? I do not understand many things the Church considers sin. So I cannot confess myself about sth that is a sin but I dont think it.
Sometimes I go to church, but not assist to mass.
I had a time where I went to church almost every day (I was still in the school) and I felt sooo good, I had peace inside. I have not been able to get that peaceful state anymore at that grade.
It's true that when I'm worried about sth, I go to a small church close home. After this, I feel better, but it is not the same.
I know I will come back sometime... when? I'm not sure, but I will... I have to find my balance again although it is taking me a lot of hard work.
Today is the "mother's day"... and I forgot it!! Yes, my sis had to call me and tell me: "Hey you, it´s our mom's day".
I feel soooo bad... and I´m so sorry.
I don´t have any excuse, but I think that for me every day is my mom's day and I thanks God for having her.
"Má, Happy day".
... In 2 weeks I'll give you your presents.